urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:george_brickley george_brickley george_brickley 2007-02-11T14:47:52Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:george_brickley:3183 2007-02-11T14:47:52Z 2007-02-11T14:47:52Z birdsong but my hatred of the white stripes keeps me going through the nights killing... lol twittwoo<br /><br /> tom called me last night all beaned up it was propa funny, he was all like 'were unemployed teenage dropouts, why do we see each other so little' and i was like 'yeah, for sure'<br />its true, and i need to see tom at sum point, stuff in my head is getting quite confusing<br /><br />and, on occasion, am usi n g a job would be cool<br /><br /><br />lastnight at dans was pretty good, watched sum dragonball z and had a bit of a jam<br /><br />and sum guy on the internet asked me to rape him with a strap on<br /><br />no seriously<br /><br />i was quite shocked<br /><br /><br />he was (apparently) quite turned on<br /><br />he sed he wanted to 'see my tits' <br /><br /><br />i need a cigarette plz urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:george_brickley:3003 2007-02-08T10:10:27Z 2007-02-08T10:10:27Z jeremy kyle mutha fuka had to post just so i could use that line<br />well ive been preety tired the last few days, cos on sunday night i was chilling with dan till early morning watching martial art/ breakdancing videos, which was intense. got two hours sleep before i had to get up to take my sister to school, which woke me up beyond the point where i could go back to sleep. i thought ben was coming over, so i sat at mine, being too tired and emo to do anything. so im literaly in bed for two seconds, when bunny texts me to go to chaz's. the time is 1.15. in the morning. so i call her, and drag my sorry ass there. was pretty fun, chaz was WELL drunk, but that night i got anouther hours sleep before getting up to take my sister to school. tuesday, i went about my day in normal fasion, sleepless, and ended up with loadsa ppl at my house havin a laugh, which was well good and dan, jess, tim and kate wait i swear there was sum1 else oh well and we oh yeah cam stayed over and bought shit loads of food and stuff and watched back to the future part 2 and then up to chaz's and then we went an played basketball and we fount these small children who were quite amusing but one stole and savaged my cigarette which sucked, and so this was wednesday, and id got like 5 hours of sleep or something cos i got up later cos i didnt have totake my sister to school, and we went to dans and chilled which was good, and bunny came over kinda upset cos shed spoken to sally and sally was upset, so we chilled out there till i went home and got like 6 hours and woke up and took my sister to school and came back and typed this and im hungry. byes urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:george_brickley:2770 2007-01-30T10:35:53Z 2007-01-30T10:35:53Z what you talkin bout? ITS JEREMY KYLE!! i almost wish i had a girl to be properly hung up on at the moment, it would once again provide a beutiful distraction from the real world. i think im going to have to work in sainsburys. <br /><br />'i wouldnt need to answer your questions if you just understood your question's where i got the answers.'<br /><br />had a wikkked time at bens this weekend - well drunk, and i now can talk to him about anything, because he is like a sponge. in a good way though. what am i saying? not a sponge, um, more like a peice of paper that changes colour when you write. perhaps. tis cool.<br /><br />bin tryin not to concentrate on the shit thats been going on, and its easy at the moment, for now i have the advantage of being sober.<br />and its not my shit so i feel weird thinking through it, so i wont.<br />i feel kinda bad for kate cos she was well upset the other day.<br />feel bad for zazzie.<br />feel bad for dan.<br />feel bad for bunny (yay bunny your cool=))<br />feel bad for kit, and i shud talk to him more.<br /><br />wish i didnt have to look for arbitrary thing to feel good about, but at least im in the frame of mind to see the arbitrary.<br /><br />'i'll be waiting, with a gun and a pack of sandwiches'<br /><br />'YOUR ARBITRARY!'<br />'i spose. no need to take things that seriously. i suppose being relevant is kinda like being dependant at the moment.'<br /><br /><br /><br />im not sure who im supposed to be quoting, but it cool nonetheless.<br /><br />i want to be propadoitic, not dependant.<br /><br />that could have been a quote, but im not sure anyone has said propadotic in that context.<br /><br />'you smell'<br /><br /><br /><br />beep beep. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:george_brickley:2373 2007-01-18T13:44:13Z 2007-01-18T13:44:13Z jeff buckley - last goodbye went to the job centre an got sum job info.<br />twas incredibly windy. <br /><br />i took sum needed time out from livejournal land<br />bt im back! <br /><br />you just cant keep a good george sane...<br /><br />well i have nothing to say really. <br /><br />had a well good new year so far, been catchin up with my sheep and shit <br />fell out with tim but sorted it out, and now were probably cooler than ever.<br /><br />looking forward to literary collaberation with sum ppl, ie dan, and musical collaboration, ie dan an riff an kai and such (i wish cam was still around), cos sheep was all like lets jam an im gonna sort out sum jammin an stuff of sum kind at sum point, it'll be sweet.<br /><br />had sum kool chats wiv bunnie, bout my unplaceable feelings of uncertainty which turned out to be highly placeable... FTW!<br /><br />and generally hoperfulness towards future endevors<br />good luck<br />i think ive brought my ego down a peg or so too, or so i hope. <br />i hate that guy i sumtimes am<br />its like johny cash- the beast in me<br />i think it rooted from strangely founded insecurity<br />something about boots<br />bunny helped me understand anyhoos<br />and today is the beggining of, no wait its the middle of january<br />balls. <br />i miss pokemon<br /><br />fooey. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:george_brickley:2116 2006-12-11T12:23:56Z 2006-12-11T12:23:56Z radiohead i want a ciiiiiiiiiggggggggaaaarrrrrrreeeettttttttee<br /><br /><br /><br />badly<br />and im not feeling very good about myself. im not very sure why. but im not feeling too bad. felt worse when i woke up. twas 8ve day roun dans last nite and my mum woke me up shouting at me to take my sister to school. im not sure, but i think i was crying for a large part of it all. and breaking doors. i certainly didnt say much. i damned needed a ciggarette. i find it quite funny how kate has the ability to belittle me in my own head... i dunno she wants to find common ground between us i suppose, but shes so patronising!!! i dunno, i tend to spend a large amount of time annoyed with myself for loosing my patience with her but sometimes kate is really to much. if she felt we talk so well then what im tentatively calling 'the issue with live journal' (but thinking is plain old oversensitivity, or perhaps over-openness, or somesuch) wouldnt be an issue at all. its so uncomfortable. =(. i want a hug. i always feel like theres gonna be something else to do with kate to take up my time and thought, as though if she means to or not she wants my attention and all i want is a<br />ciggarette.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />i dunno much today. i suppose improvement upon yesterday. chaz would want me to go to his. i just wanna stay here and have a ciggarette and have a hug. and a coffee. i love my peeps, like riff an zazzy (all about the hugs) an ben an dan. and goose for that ciggy (honest to god ledgend) and bunny, cos whenever i speak to these ppl i feel that little bit better overall, and i know however much worse i feel i'll still have that little bit no one can take, and i can make so much out of that little bit when theres nothing else.<br /><br /><br /><br />mmmm rambling. mean every word though. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:george_brickley:1887 2006-12-07T00:13:19Z 2006-12-07T00:14:36Z my computer keeps turning itself off, so now i am attempting to write this AGAIN AGAIN. lucky im in a good mood.<br /><br />got back from dans earlier and wrote anouther poem. its my favorite so far so DONT LAUGH!!! honestly. im a real poet and real poets have feelings and cry lots. <br />so be nice.<br /><br />its a bit negative, with lots of words like PAIN and SUFFERING but over all the message is quite good.<br /><br />if you dont want to read it you suck and should stop reading...<br />...lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala...<br />...now.<br /><br />i dream of your screams and scream out your dreams a universe of pain filled with souls shreiks peaks and falls, theyd kill us all for a taste of the good stuff enough is enough done is done and they think youre the one? but its no fun when moon blocks the sun because dreams are screams that mean to keep our blades keen, dont get lost in heaven when one and one makes eleven , driven to extremes in search of truth but truth nags like a loose tooth loose the noose hanging from the roof give me proof your not false and ill let you down but round and round and round again, i swear ill never let the fucker in got the grenade but forgot the pin and every time the fucker wins lost soul searching through bins but every bit important and vital missed the point annoint your head with holy water lets the devil in and every time the fucker wins, naked in rain screaming in vain dreaming in vain and all i know is pain the same as every special person worse than before but somehow the same holy water drips down your soul sealing the contract, because now its sold cold because everytime the fucker wins wind harsh chilling my soul i know its time to time youll never be mine because<br /> YOU LET THE FUCKER IN<br />my only chance is to place the bet on the russian roulette because<br /> every. time. the. fucker. wins.<br /><br />like it?<br /><br />i used the word because alot, but theres no real way to avoid it i suppose. its quite a good word.<br />theres also no real ryming scheme, but ryming schemes are for ponses who like shakespear. who btw, was a twat. also btw i have studied shakespear, and am aware of all the stuff people are like 'yeah, thats well good, he's all like a brilliant writer and stuff' but he sucks. honestly, give a monkey a typwriter, you'll be suprised. fucking prick. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:george_brickley:1727 2006-12-06T16:13:19Z 2006-12-06T16:13:19Z im really lookin forward to getting out of brighton for the weekend. im gonna go stay at supersallios in plumbton and chill wit bunnita and drink lots wooo!<br />im hopin it'll chill me out cos i feel like ive just got all this stress in my system and i dont need it. sometimes i feel like i need stress to motivate me into stuff i dont wanna do, bt now it feels like poison trickling through my veins, just enough to notice and put me off being calm so much of the time. <br /><br />live journal is really helping my state of mind the last few days, it feels like im pouring out to no-one in particular, bt i know everyone and their gran can read it, which makes me think about what i say. make sure its what i mean. the poison being drawn out. <br />i normally feel kinda weird being out of the city for long, i normally distract myself with whatever im doing, but at sallios im gonna just sit and look at the stars and think about not being where i am all of the time, just let the surroundings wash over me. plus she has a trampoline OMG YEEEAAAH!!! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:george_brickley:1498 2006-12-05T13:26:07Z 2006-12-05T13:26:07Z im getting bored of trying now.<br />i might just give up.<br />let ppl think what theyre going to think.<br />the more i swim the more i sink.<br /><br />i should stop smoking. i doubt i will. its nice seeing bunny again. comforting cos shes sum1 i rly trust the opinion of and she dusn think im a prick.<br />Tom too. i dnt rly deserve it, i geuss i shud just learn from mistakes bt i dont. i can just imagine kate just instantly worrying if im talking about her. but im sick of worrying about what i say. im sick of when i think stuff like that, wondering if i am talking about kate.<br />bt thats basically thinking about kate without thinking about it.<br />which is stoopid and makes no sense. bt when i say stuff im thinking about one thing, and then im like, bt thats sooo this other thing, and i wonder if in the back of my head im meaning that as well (perhaps i am just worrying too much?). i suppose it happens if u make the same mistakes over and over. thats the same thought again. so its not about kate, its just about my relation to things kate has something in common with. that kinda makes me feel better. bt perhaps im just imagining it all.<br /><br />kinda worried about tim. hes being well grumpy and sayin stuff like the other day, when me tom chaz and sid sed we were starting derek, and then we looked around, and then we said it again, and then chaz sed 'DereK' and we lit the spiff and on toms second hole (whose back was almost (not quite) touching toms) turned round and complained that wed started without him. i sed we had announced derek pretty clearly and he replied, and i quote, 'i wasnt listening'. oh. well thats ok then, because i should check tim IS listening before i say anything he might like to know. i tried reasonably and calmly explaining to him that you should pay at least a little attention if you want to be social (which is shurley the fucking point) and get something from your surroundings (its not your spliff) but he didnt listen. this time i could tell because he was looking at me and repeating 'i wasnt listening'. i wanna scream at him YOU WONT EVEN LEARN FROM YOUR MISTAKE! bt thats just cos of how much of a hipocrit i am this week. its just the way he did it, the look on his face was, exactly to the letter, im a cunt. i am really enjoying being a cunt, because im hurting lots, and i am making myself feel better by being an ignorant cunt. despite this i do treasure tim as one of my closest freinds. he just wont stop it.<br /><br />im getting quite cynical. id forgotten how nice it feels. i like not caring.<br /><br />i dont know though, i enjoy caring about what some people think of me. i enjoy making my mates happy. bt some of these guys just wallow. wont accept life. hmm. possible exaggeration. <br /><br />well. im gonna become more selfish, in my own way. give what it feels good to give. im just about ready to stop giving a shit about so much more stuff since i honestly stopped caring for thor. i supposed its an overload of caring, the tops popped and my concience is just spewwing guilt, and it feels damned good.<br /><br />every time i turn over a new leaf it has imprints of the last dug into it. bt i geuss thats like the basic pattern of the leaf. i might try for a new tree. no, too much effort and i enjoy being myself. i'll just keep trying to improve. make less mistakes.<br />be careful who i care for, because some people dont care about anything much past their nose. im not gonna care about shit for them either. i feel better already. <br /><br /><br />on a lighter note, i am enjoying this coffee.<br /><br /><br />need a job. bollocks. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:george_brickley:1031 2006-12-05T09:38:31Z 2006-12-05T09:38:31Z reading my prev entry, im trying to wonder why it makes kate think i dont and didnt care. she seems quite upset. im kinda annoyed that it came across like that, cos i jus wanted to tell the truth and now shes upset about something that i dont think is true. she confuses me. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:george_brickley:864 2006-12-04T11:07:41Z 2006-12-04T11:08:55Z had an intrestin time readin kate's full journal. i didnt realise how much of a dick she thought i was, which is fair enough. on reflection i feel my problem with kate was that the way we got together i felt i had to really make something of it, that id be just wasting time and effort and not giving chaz his due if i didnt(chaz means alot to me. for better or worse, he shall never cease to be my bro). it made me forget who i was and am, and im not very good at being anyone else. i get paranoid and cant explain things. i got uberconfused with not feeling right and so had to break off and make me myself again. its such an important issue for me that im being myself i geuss i got wrapped up in it and blinded. (btw my previous post was mostly just depressed musings). i know its painfull for her, but kate seems to see me and hannah as such a similar thing to me and her (i could quite easily be wrong, however), which isnt right. weve liked each other for so long and then suddenly i could have her.we spent a night together and i wasnt going to let it happen again, no one would know. bt then i woke up and kate came to see me, crying. she told me shed slept with thor, and that hed said about her not being over me. i didnt really know what to say to the latter, but the former in complete honesty i felt ok about. i think kate is brilliant, and any way she was gonna get happy was fine by me (in days later with my feelings for thor i was angry about it, bt never at kate). i left and got a phone call from hannah. thor had told her about him and kate so she had told him about her and me. now it couldnt be kept a secret, and me and hannah stayed together for a while. thor still needed her, i felt pretty bad i couldnt be there for him (he wouldve liked to kill me) bt hannah had to get her head straight and so broke it off. i have honestly in my life never had such gut wrenching pain as i felt in the following week, waking up alone and depressed and finishing the day worse, then waking up worse and going to bed worse. i eventually manged to sort shit out with kate, which made me feel so much better, and i got over hannah. im much better now. <br /><br />i was watching tv earlier, and i head this guy talking about alcoholism. he said if you cannot control something, then keep it out of your life. so im at least not going to put any thor in my life deliberatly. if he needs help and comes to me, i'll deal with my feelings and help, he is someone who ive felt so brothrly and akin to, but i hate him for how he treated hannah(like a drug). shes back with him now, and i can honestly say i hope he sorts himself the fuck out.<br /><br />thats how it is.<br /><br />p.s i have decided to kepp all of my profiles public. i only deal in truth, and whoever you are, in the end, knowing the truth can only make you better and stronger. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:george_brickley:551 2006-11-19T21:45:02Z 2006-12-06T18:56:03Z I geuss i really just want to fundamentally be proven wrong. Because if im right, then i may as well die.